Confidence / self assurance story part 2

Hello again,

O.k here’s part 2 of the story. As mentioned in the previous post, I only covered school and work due to the reading space it would take. This post will cover uni and social life.

Warning there is mature content in this post, so please don’t read ahead if you don’t like it.

So glad that I’ve finally got out of school. Now lets talk about uni. I wasn’t even upset or anything like that when I first started. Originally I wanted to just  do medical science at uni but didn’t get the marks. Mind you I was disheartened with my mark but as time went by, it doesn’t matter. So I ended up doing a double degree which then progressed to being a single degree towards the end. I was glad that I didn’t undertake a medical science degree and work in that field.  I mingled with a wide variety of people from overseas to local students and studied completely different subjects. The language part was hard enough to get high marks but was happy with a pass. Same with the science part, especially when it became too technical, and that’s where I’d struggled. Science in university was WAY different to high school Not to mention I did fail a few subjects and found this was too draining mentally. I never understood what all these biochemistry/physiology things meant. My science terminology is well and truly gone now.  During that time, i took on a safety subject which i finally understood and could get decent marks for it, and so i switched majors.

Did I go to uni parties? Nope and I don’t regret because that novelty factor dies after a while. Save that for outside uni! I had a number of acquaintances back then but they faded after a while. I was involved with a couple of extra-curricular activities from volunteering by visiting low-socioeconomic schools to raise awareness of university to running on campus tours for orientation events. I was working casually from being a tutor to admin at an educational services company to even working at uni. The great thing is that it set me up for my working life after uni.

Social life. My later uni (around 22) life saw me dating a guy who I used to know through tutoring and out of the blue asked me out, although we bumped into each other a few times during uni. Knowing that I haven’t been with anyone before I decided to see what it was like. He had the same birthday as me (from that experience, never go out with someone with the exact same sign!). It turned out that I was led-on instead of pursing a serious relationship  and that really made me numb for two weeks. During that period, I had my cousins fly in from overseas as they were on some group trip and wanted to visit us. I used that time to take my mind off him. Mind you, I went on a one-off date with my friends which I found so weird. We are still friends and we’re better off this way (not the Cancerian one though). Honestly, dating someone in a friendship group can change the dynamics of the group. I’ll tell you the case that it worked for two friends (they’re engaged now) but it hasn’t worked for two of my former ‘friends’ who dropped off our social radar because of this. That’s why I prefer to seek these types of things outside my friendship group :).

In my younger years my life was just girls from primary school and two high school girls. It mostly consisted of shopping, eating out and talking girly things and having a giggle. No guys. Since uni started, I got along with guys who I met in first year who are considered part of my social group now. During high school, I would be happy socializing with people not from my school i.e tutoring as it made me feel better and away from the awkwardness/fakeness of the school girls. I think also having Asperger’s made me not want to fit into the cliques on high school, rather have one or two friends. Also, I have that sense of humour that not a lot of the girls had. I wasn’t really interested in what they were doing anyway i.e partying, boyfriends, sex, drinking, branded stuff etc. It was all a popularity contest to me. I was being the studious kind, gamer and being my own self. I so wanted to be one of the prefects and wanted to represent a different side of their so called ‘white representation’. Maybe the group of misfits? I don’t know the name but anyways you get the idea. I did go to the year 10 formal but not the year 12 due to personal reasons and was totally over high school. My 10 year reunion is this year but seriously, who has time for that? Apparently a girl who went to the same school as me, 2 years above me who is a close friend of my cousin mentioned that girls in her year wanted to bring partners to their reunion. She didn’t go from what I heard because of that reason and plus, can you at least go a night without your partners?

Most of my friendship group is now made of mostly guys and that’s given me a confidence boost to approach them. Play Cards against humanity and you will see who as the dirtiest mind and sense of humour are the ones that are more fun to hang out. I do feel as time goes by, the uni friends are the ones you hang out the most, with the exception of one high school friend.

With my early uni days, I met these engineering girls who did a math class who lived in the college dorms and mentioned about sexual experiences. Back then I was fresh faced high school with no sexual and dating experience and when they mentioned hooking up, it was like ‘no clue’. I wasn’t confident with myself, plus never crossed my mind until I met the above mentioned in my later uni years a few paragraphs ago was my first experience with anything of sexual nature (No oral or penetrative that time). Touching and fondling was my first experience of this nature. Plus I did get to see ‘what’s down there’. It wasn’t too bad in all honesty. Hey, I’ve watched porn (late nights of course) and sex scenes in movies but never done anything in real life. This was an eye-opener to me and so far it’s been helpful in this stage of my life. I’ve been exploring, reading anything of this nature and pursuing it now that I’m older (I’m being honest here).

I’m definitely a late bloomer in terms of the mentioned above but having this new found confidence (mentally and physically) allowed me to feel liberated, relaxed and ready to try new experiences now. Being a late bloomer is your journey and pursuing things at your own pace.  I have the energy to pursue things now that people have done earlier i.e sex, dating, driving, study whatever it may be. I still haven’t progressed to my P’s yet (it will happen). I went out and kissed my first guy at 22, graduated at 24, had sex and gone back to uni in my late 20’s. I still live with my folks but don’t approach them about this stuff.  What I’ve learned is that once you’re confident in your own skin and don’t feel pressured by your friends and other people, then feel free to pursue what you want. These were my choices and am happy about it. So there’s no shame in being a late bloomer, rather it’s recommended as it gives your brain enough time to develop.

Also I’ll add that having lost a lot of weight and taking care of myself has added that extra boost of confidence. Plus my dress sense has changed a lot since my weight-loss. Gone were the cargo pants, baggy jumpers that my mum used to buy, loose fitted clothing, frills, frumpy tomboy clothing to fitted clothing from bodycon dresses, leather pants, figure hugging pants (hello jeggings and freddy wr.up pants!), coloured bottoms, shorts and even my underwear style was changing (please read all about lingerie! post on this). The weight loss story will be featured in another post.

Anyways, that’s my story of confidence/self assurance and all of this was real, honest and true from my thoughts. So if you feel that you haven’t found your ground or a late bloomer, then don’t fear as your time to shine will come. Everyone goes through different things in their life at their own pace and just as long as you are aware of what you’re doing, then you’ll be fine! I hope this helps you reading this out there 🙂

Time to sign out as it’s getting late!!

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Confidence / self assurance story part 1

So today’s post will be on something completely different that has changed for the best since the start of the year. Something that I am very happy about and have struggled a fair bit throughout my life.

I’ll cover from work to social, self image and anything that falls in between.

Now this is not some so-called vanity story on how life great is etc. I’m sharing what has been my struggles and what changes happened to become the person I am today.

This will be in 2 parts as it will take up a lot of space and reading time. This post will be work and school.

As a Cancerian, we are known to hide in our shells. As the oldest of 3 kids, there’s this overall sense of being the ‘quiet,older one’.  At the start of my working life 4 years ago, I was a fresh graduate looking for full time work, not knowing what to do and seeing as i didn’t want to head in the science field, in particular with the major I completed. So my mum suggested working in the hospital and so I looked and applied for jobs (mainly in admin though). Other areas required specific degrees in those jobs. Seeing as I had done admin work casually throughout my uni life, I could use my skills that I’ve learned into a clerical position.

The first job was a temp full time and honestly, it was great at the start but the longer I stayed there, the more I wanted to learn however my position didn’t allow that flexibility. It felt like that I wasn’t using my skills to my advantage. During that time, I was looking for permanent work closer to where I live. However staying in that position lead me to changes in my fitness training which I’ll explain later in this post. Even interviewing with positions with similar skill sets, I couldn’t even secure them. I know it’s easier said than done but it got to the point where I wasn’t even sure what I was worth anymore.

A turning point came when a newly created position came up closer to home, so interviewed and was successful. Plus it was permanent so even better. However a new department and new role meant no one knew what they were doing, and faced a lot of challenges, as the office started from scratch. 18 months later and most roles within the department are refined.. In my current position, I hid in my shell during that time because of the above mentioned. I also felt anxious, uneasiness and unsure of myself.

I showed strengths in writing which led to me putting together procedure and meeting minutes. I’m getting better with the speaking side of things, even though I had fall-backs time to time again.  I’d like to steer my career in health policy which lead to my drive in applying for a masters. Also I applied for higher level grade positions however not successful but that didn’t stop me. One recent job interview last month lead to me being on the waiting list. This was one turning point for me which led to me to come out of my shell!

No one know this but I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at a young age. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a pervasive developmental disorder where one has difficulty acting in social situations, understanding non verbal communication cues and displaying repetitive and restrictive behaviors. They love routine and one slight changes causes them distress.  Also they tend to have limited interests. In terms of speech, they can engage in one sided, trivial topics that others find boring and tedious. There’s a whole heap of Asperger’s on the net but i wont bore you with the details. Anyways, so I was considered an oddball during my younger years, and my parents enrolled me in a special class. I also got upset easily. Then I went into mainstream school (late primary and high school) with a support network. Uni life was a little different as I used extra provisions but as the years progressed, I didn’t really need it. With early intervention, one can lead a normal life. The change? When I was younger, my social life was not like the girls in high school.  As I’ve become older, free from school and uni, I don’t stress if things change, and is up for spontaneity when its right.

School life.  Transitioning from primary to high school was hard for the first year. With my Asperger’s during that stage, I’d be upset most nights in year 7 saying that high school was over whelming and as I went from Catholic to an all girl Anglican school. Surprisingly, the diagnosis of Aspies is that they lack empathy and have no emotion. Here’s an example where I do have emotion. There were friendship groups formed but honestly I wasn’t interested in joining, or at least tried. I had two friends from high school and that’s it. Same with the extra-curricular activities like sport.  I enrolled in piano and singing but gave that up before year 11 to focus on my studies. Being in an all white girl school didn’t help either. Most were from privileged wealthy families overseas and here too. Also to add damage to my self esteem, I was quite unhappy with my body too. On the upside, I did enjoy the school dances and didn’t expect to be approached by boys ;).  I was also involved with tutoring and so I got to meet new people. Sure I had crushes but didn’t turn out to be anything serious. I was approached by a few boys who were interested in me but i wasn’t interested in them. Anyways safe to say that I was happy not to have a boyfriend, and I still don’t have one to this date. FYI, I’m not interested in relationships and dating at this time. SO glad to be out of  that arrogant, outdated institution that I was in!

Part 1 done. Now time to cover uni, social life and self image in the next post.

Who am I? Behind the blog..

As I mentioned in the last post, I aim to do a introductory post of myself? Might as well do it earlier rather than later.

So I briefly mentioned that i’m a full time worker plus part time student. Technically I commence that in March on a part time basis in Public Health. So yes, after finishing my undergraduate (in science) 5 years ago and working in the industry for 4 years and wanting a’field’change, i chose to undertake this degree. The challenge this year is to balance both and I will do posts from the application process to balance / general thoughts.

Another passion of mine is health and fitness. It began after completing high school and first year uni that i was unhappy and unhealthy with my body and decided enough was enough. Of course, it wasn’t an easy journey as my fitness regime was gone through constant change from changing the exercises i do to nutrition.  I’ll explain through posts over time about what worked / current regime / nutrition etc.

Aside that, my other interests/hobbies include writing, gaming (didn’t see that right?), beauty, well-being, being outdoors, #foodie. I’m also an Oxygen magazine fanatic (and recently fitnessrx) to living life i.e shop-a-holic, socialising but also needing alone time too. Reviews will be featured and who doesn’t love a personal honest review? The only reading that I do will come from scholary articles, a newspaper to reviews and whatever interesting material comes my way.

For the real stuff, I live at home with 2 siblings, a cat, dog and a few cods in the tank under the roof.

So that sums up myself and enjoy the rest of the day everyone!

x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Post.

Welcome!

Here’s to my first post. I’ve recently rediscovered my past time hobby of blogging during the undergrad days, and to say that I really missed it. I used to use blogger in the begging but over time the formatting and resign drove the shits out my brain, so here I’m starting with wordpress (hopefully this will workout in the long term).

The transition from blogging during my uni days to blogging (this was 5 years ago)  whilst undertaking full time work was like…I seriously have no time for this. Yes, coming home after a long day at work and feeling uninspired / unmotivated to write about anything which lead to me deleting my older blogs 2 years ago.

Blogging History: I started off with general life to focusing on beauty reviews / hauls then it gradually dropped to monthly posts on what I’ve been up to. Then I started with a health / fitness only and then it became too difficult to maintain with the mentioned reason above. Plus life gets in the way.

New year means new beginnings, which is why I’m blogging with a clean slate. As i’m currently a full-time worker about to commence a masters (part time), I need to balance this and life too. Health and fitness is another passion of mine too (I have an instagram-based on this too which I’ll post later). I’ll throw in thoughts, recounts of life whatever you want to call it in the works as well. So pretty much it’s everything and anything that comes to mind is what this blog will be about.

Look out for a post ‘behind the blog’! Okies, so time to write and see you in the next post.

x

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