Oh how time flies over the time. So today’s post is slightly similar to my earlier posts re: confidence/self assurance, but with more of a reflective take. There’s no set structure so I’m going to be writing as I go. Here it goes:
A decade ago (2006):
Turn back in time. I don’t know where to begin. So much has changed from there until now as I was in my last year of high school. The jersey symbolism of year 12 and we weren’t allowed to write anything on the back. I wasn’t at all body confident throughout my years in high school and have really wanted to look healthier. Having an overactive thyroid didn’t really help, which got removed in 2005. Oh yes, on the topic, the button shirts didn’t help plus the introduction of a ‘summer uniform’ the year I left was hideous!
High school musical was big and for our last day at school we did a performance based on that. Didn’t click or get the hype but now I do enjoy listening (and cringing) time to time again. I went though old photos and noticed how my dress sense was at that time. Long skirts, ponchos, waist belts (why??), long shirts, layered looks, boob tubes (i still can’t wear those though), ruffles and peasant style tops. I was influenced by every fashionable trend on the market but couldn’t get my body to work with it. Oh i got into the whole cargo look.
Of course, I only had very few friends on high school (only one though haha). Coming into a dominant white all girls school, I didn’t get invited to many parties as the high school years progressed and yes i did do tutoring over the weekends so that took most of my weekends. I’d also mentioned that I didn’t get to go out much during that time. Silly crushes were common just like any teenage girl experiences oh wells. The best party I went to was at an end of year cruise (not high school but at my tutoring place) and I really enjoyed it more in year 12 than in year 11. I did get my first alcoholic drink away from my parents. Pussycat Dolls were big and I was getting into Ministry Of Sound, Wild albums (yes i still do have the CDs!). All I had were girl-friends as my social group.
The reason why I was sent to this school was my mum’s interest and difficulties growing up, and probably wasn’t worth it. There’s supposedly my high school reunion but considering I’ve de-cluttered most of my high school life expect for 2-3, it doesn’t bother me. Life goes on. Deep inside I had potential but didn’t know whereto find it. I didn’t go to my year 12 formal haha.
5 Years ago (2011):
The last year of university life. I’ve reached a plateau with my studies and just wanted to get it over and done. 3 times of changing study plans and decided that a scientific degree wasn’t for me Also, learning a language in the first two years upon commencing a double degree was cool back then but decided to not continue with it. I’ve met different sorts of people back in the first 2 years of uni and the guy friends that I’ve made in first year are now part of my friendship group. From international students living in dorms to fresh out of high school, even mature aged students, it was good but over time, didn’t really need them in my life. Of course there was the popular first years who other students would seek help with, and you’ll have those who drag on way beyond the lecture finished time, and those who would talk during the lecture.
I started working casual admin jobs throughout my degree over the semester breaks and would spend most of it (don’t recommend it though). My social life was sort -of a-ok as I still felt restricted with my parents picking me up. Most were food outings, not much bar hopping though. Sure I got invited out but not as frequently as I liked. I knew I couldn’t get into the whole partying scene as the people who I met during that time wasn’t really suited to my liking or I wanted to party but couldn’t get the guts to. My first dating experience = not as expected as it was more of a casual fling thing. I went on another one off date but decided we were better off friends (don’t even get me started). Naive me then.
The whole printed t-shirts, jeans, float dresses and leggings to mini skirts and throughout my uni years, I went through the whole supre basics phase and collecting every single colour that I found. There were even 2.50 sales at supre and I would go crazy over their sales which turned out to be rubbish clothes. I started getting into dresses again and happy to buy off the rack. My style was going through phases and I bought this cute bowtie skater dress (my thing for dresses back then) but had to donate as it no longer fit me.
Group fitness kicked off my passion outside of school and would get so pumped every time I would go. Being a student and having so much free time, most of my days off were spent there. I still lost a bit of weight but my nutrition was poor and still wasn’t happy with my self. Still in my shell then and not knowing what to do with life after uni. Then I decided to take a family trip which was nice as I haven’t been away in so long. That’s where I’ve put the most weight back on and it was back to where i began…
Glee to Benjamin Button were my absolute favorites back then.
I must say that looking back over the 5 years until now. I’ve been through different phases and experiencing things for the first time. I reached a certain stage in life where I just wanted to grow even more. From since I’ve left uni and started working full-time it was a huge shift to fitting in workouts, to even changing the style of training after work and getting used to the everyday 9-5. It’s tricky at first as you’re tired from getting used to the travel and waking up early to start work but after a while, I got used to it.
My first uni debt was paid off during that time and it was a huge achievement for me personally. It’s not cheap paying it off gradually (btw i still live at home). I’ve changed jobs between the past 4-5 years to work closer to home and where I am atm, trying to hold out for another year. I’m currently seeking out jobs but nothing really suits me atm.
Commencing my masters part time this year was in my opinion the best option as it breaks up the monotony of the daily grind. I’m carefully considering transitioning out of where I am atm into something that I really want to be in and not stuck in admin job for the rest of my working life. Yes it’s flexible and all that but I feel that I’m not using my key strengths to my advantage or get much exposure to things outside my department. I’m slowly working on my weaker areas atm but deep inside it sorta no longer excites me. Rant done.
On the upside, I’ve expanded on my social group by joining one of the gym’s social groups and branching out. I felt that over time by hanging out with the same people, I really needed to grow socially and see things from a different view. Having that expansion really helps with my confidence and self esteem. I do enjoy my wines and beers when I go out now and socially drinking. I also am currently experiencing my secret meet up and so far enjoying it a couple of time a month.
Again, I went though my change in dress sense where at the beginning of my working life, I experimented with bold bottoms and contrast coloured tops, pretty blouses to figure hugging skirts. Everything had to be bold in colour back then with floaty skirts. I’ve slowly transitioned into darker coloured hues in recent times though. Flats were the norm and slowly transitioned into low heels. As in recent times, I’ve now developed a liking for figure hugging things from jeggings /leggings and tight skirts. My dresses now are mostly body-con. I also like wearing the sporty chic style from sporty style track pants or leggings paired with a t-shirt with boots or casual flats and wearing a cap to keep my hair cow licks at bay. I even own a pair of leather leggings, something which I wouldn’t buy 5 years ago, plus heeled boots as well are my recent shoe addition.
Taking charge of preparing my own lunches, assisting with cleaning up and am looking forward to the change with taking care of the house when my parents go away at the end of September. My sister’s on exchange for 6 months during that time and so it will be me and my brother! I may potentially have the house to my-self if my brother has to travel interstate during that time :).
I feel so much more alive now that I’m living life that i want to live. Unfortunately I still live at home so still haven’t got to experience the things i want to but that period can give me that chance to when i feel like it.
Anyways that my life in a nutshell and looking back at those years, I’ve come a long way.