Today’s post will be on a topic that is of a different nature and it’s mentioned in the title. This is the first time mentioning about a post of this nature so if you’re not comfortable with this content, please don’t read. Be warned, content heavy.
Basically the reason why I chose to loose it later in life (I’m 28) was because I hadn’t found someone suitable and had no desire to loose it up until that point. 10 years ago where I first started university and a group of girls that I did maths with asked me about my experiences and completely tuned out. Haha. I also envied those who found boyfriends during campus and didn’t feel comfortable with myself and watched life go by.
Growing up with Aspergers made it hard to tell if a guy liked me or not. I wasn’t into the student parties or clubs and preferred doing my own thing (and being asexual). Later on in my first university years, I encountered someone that I knew in high school and then started casually seeing each other. He then mentioned sex and mentally, I wasn’t ready but just went along with it. Then it was in the male bathroom, freaked out when about perform oral for the first time and then months later he dumped. Then from that point on, I just didn’t really bother with putitng myself out there (aside from my male friends) for a long time why I haven’t been with many guys.
I tell my younger self: Look I know how gutted you feel if someone doesn’t like you back. Goes back to #teenagermode and feels low. Anyways, that passes.
I’ve also had times where one was interested but didn’t reciporate because I didn’t find them attractive or unsure and I’m glad I did. Just because I have male friends doesn’t mean it can go further. I’ve seen it because I went on an awkward date with one of my close friends not long after he dumped me and we decided that it’s better to be buddies.
Then flash forward to work. Someone from my previous workplace as he appeared to be interested in me. I wasn’t in a good mindset to start something like that plus we lived suburbs away and a year later I left that place to be at my current place. Flash forward, there was someone who I was attracted to at the beginning but he was seeing someone that time. It didn’t bother me and so let it slide. A year passed, we chatted time to time until he mentioned he moved into his own place. When the opportunity came, he was interested in me. That’s when he mentioned he wanted something casual and I wanted the same. After that I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been with many guys and haven’t experienced sex after asking me. First timers have that stigma of being emotionally attached but I made it clear that I wanted pleasure and fun.
I was a little nervous only because I haven’t had much exposure besides touching and fingering. Plus I hadn’t shaved down there and a little nervous on seeing a dick in a long time. Performing oral was a nerve racking as I’d never sucked on a dick and was afriad of choking. Then once it was erect with his guidance, then proceeded to put on a condom and then I got on top of him and slowly went to the top, guided in with a thrust and popped the cherry. It did hurt and bled a bit so out came the lube to make it slide and then we went into missionary for a bit until I was done, mostly due to the feeling of it after being popped. I really enjoyed it and wanted to experience it more. Out arrangment continued until he found a new position, moved out of his place and in with a room-mate and from that point, I didn’t think it would continue after that until this year. We only met so far again twice this year and not sure if we meet again as he may move away when the time comes and have his job transfered down there.
I did meet someone else in between that period but it didn’t go all the way due to our schedules but didn’t feel the need to mention to him when he asked that recently. Other than that, no other guy has approached me since and really didn’t have desire to do so.
There are times where I have sexual desires but don’t really know where to turn to in between those empty periods. I don’t really head out to the nightlife as much. Tinder doesn’t appeal to due linking of facebook accounts.
Where do I stand? I am open to future experiences (not settling down anytime soon though) and taking it as it comes. Slowly. I’ve been encouraged to seek out opportunities and we both enjoyed pleasuring each other in a casual setting and know it’s not going any further. Until he moves, he’s welcome to message me Just make sure you know what you are comfortable with and with safety, consent from both parties and being responsible, it should be enjoyable and pleasurable. Plus I still live at home which is why it can be tricky.
There, I’ve said it. There’s my story of a first timer and I shall see you in my next post!