It’s on.

“I’ve had it. I hate to be dramatic but it’s time for me to fly the coop” “I’m looking out for me”.  – Iago from Return of Jafar.

Warning: Rage mode on.

Yes. I’ve had it where I am right now. I won’t go into depth as the length of my dissastifaction of my job covered in my previous posts 2 months back and to this date it’s still within me.  I’ve been low on and off over the past weeks and I’m wasting my energy and time here. I’m deep down miserable and I know that I need change which is why I am studying my degree (with a possibilty to study extra) plus seeking new jobs not related to what I am in atm which leads to below..

I did interview for a part time role (bookings role) last week but although I didn’t get that job, I’m on the waiting list which is still better than ‘unsuccessful’ :). This would be my fourth time out of the five working years but it can’t be guaratneed that a position will pop up in the next 12 months. Key is to keep on applying. I’v applied for a few more in the past week and I have one lined up after the long holiday. Have yet to hear from the others but I know that 3 I won’t get a call back.

It sucks when you’re the only person who is available to cover the front and aren’t allowed off on Fridays and be around in the afternoon. It sucks when you’re in a place for way longer than you expect and knowing health records has high turnover rate. I wonder why I am here -rolls eyes-.  It sucks when you’re skills are best suited to other positions, (policy, research, health promotion..), your current job is stagnant and are no longer interested in pursuing any more opportunities in the place. It sucks when people are chasing after the boss after numerous times or when callers call about a query that is totally not relevant to the scope of the role. I totally no longer enjoy my role. It sucks when you’re study leave hasn’t been approved at all this year.  It sucks when your role is not going to change -sigh sigh sigh- unless i make the change (see above).  I haven’t been applying much over the past year but  this year has been my turning point. This year may be the time to go for me as I’ve applied for a heap of positions in the past two weeks and will continue. Unfortantely I havent been offered anymore exposure outside of my role which frustrates me. In fact that I may be showing signs of resentment to this job. Anyways, enough said.

That’s my thoughts atm… 6 months of this year to go and opening up to part time may mean a higher chance of me securing a positon. Time will tell..

Anyways Over and out!

Where have I been?

Hello to all my fellow readers! I’m back.

Havent completely dissapeared from this blog. May was a busy month for me from Game of Zones fitness, Laser Tag, foodie outing and university. The last weekend was spent writing my last, shall I say challenging paper for the term. Never done a policy brief before and I found that it challenged me intellectually :).  Now class is done until August!

Really enjoyed my last class for univeristy as it was based on health policy, one of the fields I aspire to work in.

Aside from that, I’ve recently seen jobs pop up that are of interest and in the process of applying for a few more.

Update with my work hours (part time): Not approved :(.  The only way is part time job applications. I’ll still go for full time as well. I did have an interview earlier this week and have applied for more positions.  Having both options opens up the opportunity for more to come. My turn will come…

Mood wise I’m feeling a little better but am still motivated to move on hence the above. I have my days but it passes.

BTW, I am officially doing city2surf in August and Blackmores in September! Something that I have never done or considered out of my comfort zone! In the past month, been doing twice a week runs (one treadmil) and one outdoors. May ramp this up from this month or next..

Anyways, over and out!

When you’re feeling stuck, lost and in a slump :(

Hey all,

Have you ever go through those times where you just feel rather uninspired, blah, overwhelmed and become lost in your thoughts when things just go (that’s life) and that time hasn’t come to you yet? I’m feeling that way right now 😦 .

Image result for work slump

Image result for work slump

Let’s face it, we have those moments where we hit mental slumps and wall at work. There are other influences that can affect such as family or other commitments. Even though a little break helps, it all comes back to me.  It’s a saying that whenever you’re at work to focus.  However, it can be hard at times especially when you’re studying to career change in your desired field, plus the current job no longer aligns with your career values / goals and are dissastified. Or you’ve simply had enough. Anyways, this is me and going to my job feels like a drag most days. I’m sure that others feel the same way too.

The way for me to cope atm is just take it a day at a time, seeking a better opportunity and ways to get my foot into public health. Or exposure to things outside my role. Lucky I have a friend who did the same degree, working in the area I want to get into and she too is seeking change to global health.

What I’ve done to this date to cope with this (and maybe help you too?):

-Applied for a new job (can’t guarantee it) and I will keep hunting until I get one. It will happen eventually.

-Enrolled in another subject next semester as I’ve decided that I want to finish my degree in 2-3 years instead of the intended 6 years.

-Meditating and taking an extra rest day if needed. Yoga for me now is for mobility purposes with the added relaxation.

-A simple text to check in time to time again helps.

-Hanging out with people.

-Connecting with my current class-mates in terms of assignments and sharing my information on previous subjects. They too are looking for career change too so am not alone.

Anyways, this week aside from not feeling well, I’ve taken some time off work and still have a lot of sick leave though. Been feeling down as mentioned in the above paragraph. There are other skills / experience that I can / prefer and are more suited to but l feel like I can;t be released at all. Project/ Research experience is what I’m seeking next or stick to another admin job just for the time being until I finish degree, Side-stepping away from my current job is also another consideration. I did enjoy my time during a secretariat for a committee though. As of late it’s because I haven’t had an opportunity to explore my strengths is why I am feeling this way and no longer enjoy the work.

With a colleague going soon and another going on maternity leave in 2 months, who knows what will happen..

I’m glad to have let it out and this is one of the reasons why I set up this blog since last year to vent out my thoughts.

Anways, until next time!

x Lyd

Pokemon GO review.

Here’s to another post on Sunday night. I should be continuing my univeristy task but have done most of it and I have tommorow off so more work into it! Next weekend is finalising a ‘video’ for that task and Good Friday it’s due.

As you may not know, I am a pokemon go fanatic. I hopped onto the bandwagon after the official release and from that day on, I was hooked. Most lunchbreaks and days off I’d walk around and catch pokemon. I did take a 3.5 month hiatus until Febuary and then Pokemon 2.0 was released. Back again onto the wagon.

The biggest influx of pokemon was around July-September of last year where people were everywhere with their phones out. People from young to adults were sitting in groups even at the opera house to circular quay. Rhodes  was considered the hotspot until the council removed the pokestops due to complaints and also Rhodes being a residental area.

Anways, back to the point. The gameplay is simple. Walk around anywhere and a GPS will detect pokemon in your region. My main hotpsots was around Sydney City where there was more spawn and different pokemon.  Upsides include doing something to occupy my lunch-breaks and spare time, getting much needed active recovery walks and on a good day, enjoying the sun.  With the release of new pokemon in this version, I am keen to catch more!

Downsides include common pokemon at every hotspot (no more natus and spinarax please!) and certain pokemon, especially rare ones to run away easily. Grinding can be tough with pokemon that don’t spawn often (pointing at you Onyx!) and batery life. Be prepared to bring a portable charger when pokemon hunting for a while. It can get boring an hour or two grinding, so I suggest an hour ot two each day to hunt. Certain pokemon is region exclusive only.

 

On a random note, I question the gender of some pokemon. For example, the picture on the right is a female wobbuffet where normally it would be a male. Goldeen a male? and when transformed into Seaking a female?. Gender confusion here.

Head to beaches, parks, iconic hotspots and you’ll see more pokemon spawn around those areas. Busy towns help too.

Rating: 3.5/5.

Are you a pokemon go fan? If so, how often do you play it or are you starting out?

Until next time

x Lydia

She is back.

She is back in action with her public health class. The class is social perspectives in public health and this subject so far is quite good. Her first day also involed a community transect walk around a local town in no so great weather conditions from observing traffic, people, noise levels to shops and street commerce, even houses. From a public health perspective, it’s to get a feel of the town and how the urban environment affects one’s health. Useful for those policy-makers to suggest rules and regulations into the town to become a better living area.

There were a lot of fresh faces as the majority of people were starting out as well :).

Friday night was a friend’s birthday at the winery. Drinks and food to share around and good catch-ups.

Tommorow is a wedding so today is catch up readings and a few housework duties.

That is all 🙂

 

Personal experience with Aspergers.

Hello again,

As you may have seen that I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome as a child. So I decided to shed my light on this topic.

The definition of Asperger’s is ‘high functioning’ on the Austim spectrum disorder spectrum and have difficulty with social, emotional and communcation skills. They view the world differently and have particular interests. High functioning means it’s less severe than compared to people on the Autism spectrum disorder.

When I was younger it was hard growing up. Getting upset over little things but most likely being sensitive, being socially awkard (having little friends), found it hard to adapt to change from primary to high school. I was put in a special class for the first 2 years of primary school. Being diagnosed early and with appropriate therapy did help me become ok, with a few slip ups here and there. The high school years consisted of school, tutoring, minimal social life. Honestly, I feel like I didnt need those resources as I felt I was spoonfed rather than using my own brain. Also I didn’t like my body image as I struggled with weight.

I happened to be a ‘walking dictionary’ when I was younger. Aspergians tend to be wired differnetly and see thing differently.

The high school from university in contrast was a better tranisition as I really dislked the school I was in. I didn’t feel upset or anything like that. This may be different from notmal Aspergerians who can sometimes struggle with univeristy.  Subject wise in university, I ended up dropping out of arts as I really wanted to finish my degree. Plus the coursework wasn;t easy as the language progressed. Same with science subjects where I only lasted 1 year in a pharmacoloiy/physiology and decided it wasn’t for me.  That’s where I switched to a dafety major in which the content was easier to absorb from a commerce subject to a statistics which was ok to me. I’m definetly no math person either and found words / writing suited me better.

Aspergians struggle with the social side of things, can become easily overwhelmed. I didn’t really get into the whole student parties, clubs etc. When I was invited, I declined.  I did however undertake casual jobs and volunteer work throughout my degree. Sure sex was a common thing but I just didn’t get it nor did it cross my mind. Looking back I didn’t really care, aside from the one encounter (see first timers story).

Yeah sure I had a few crush rejections but honestly, we go through that. There have been one’s that show interest but I have no attraction to.

If I desire something, I find it hard to communicate hence I prefer the males to ask me if they are interested. I couldn’t do all the talking as it sometimes drains me brain cells (if you are an Aspie, then you’ll understand).  I too can become overwhelmed on whether they are looking for the same thing or not. If I go through a dry spell then let it be. If there was an opporunity then I’d take it but likewise, not going to overthink it.

Now that I’m older, if i do get invited or if there is a social event, I don’t mind going although I’d rather be dancing the night away  (if there was one) then sitting around and chatting.

I keep things short and sweet and if i need to explain, then I am happy to explain just as long as we are both on the same page.

Making out and excessive cuddling doesn’t do it for me as gives me a sense of being suffocated. I dont mind being ‘touched’ elsewhere though.

Work wise, in relation to my last post, Aspergians can loose focus and that’s what I feel with my past two full time jobs. Sure there are ways to say X and yes these are techniques but do i really have to be a robot?  It doesn’t fullfill me if you have read the last post.

So there is my experience with  Aspergers Syndrome and for those who have goals from personal to learning, I’d say go for it!

Till next time

x L

First timers experience.

Today’s post will be on a topic that is of a different nature and it’s mentioned in the title. This is the first time mentioning about a post of this nature so if you’re not comfortable with this content, please don’t read. Be warned, content heavy.

Basically the reason why I chose to loose it later  in life (I’m 28) was because I hadn’t found someone suitable and had no desire to loose it up until that point. 10 years ago where I first started university and a group of girls that I did maths with asked me about my experiences and  completely tuned out. Haha. I also envied those who found boyfriends during campus and didn’t feel comfortable with myself and watched life go by.

Growing up with Aspergers made it hard to tell if a guy liked me or not. I wasn’t into the student parties or clubs and preferred doing my own thing (and being asexual). Later on in my first university years, I encountered someone that I knew in high school and then started casually seeing each other. He then mentioned sex and mentally, I wasn’t ready but just went along with it. Then it was in the male bathroom, freaked out when about perform oral for the first time and then months later he dumped. Then from that point on, I just didn’t really bother with putitng myself out there (aside from my male friends) for a long time why I haven’t been with many guys.

I tell my younger self: Look I know how gutted you feel if someone doesn’t like you back. Goes back to #teenagermode and feels low. Anyways, that passes.

I’ve also had times where one was interested but didn’t reciporate because I didn’t find them attractive or unsure and I’m glad I did.  Just because I have male friends doesn’t mean it can go further. I’ve seen it because I went on an awkward date with one of my close friends not long after he dumped me and we decided that it’s better to be buddies.

Then flash forward to work. Someone from my previous workplace as he  appeared to be interested in me. I wasn’t in a good mindset to start something like that plus we lived suburbs away and a year later I left that place to be at my current place. Flash forward, there was someone who I was attracted to at the beginning but he was seeing someone that time. It didn’t bother me and so let it slide. A year passed, we chatted time to time until he mentioned he moved into his own place. When the opportunity came, he was interested in me. That’s when he mentioned he wanted something casual and I wanted the same. After that I mentioned to him that I hadn’t been with many guys and haven’t experienced sex after asking me. First timers have that stigma of being emotionally attached but I made it clear that I wanted pleasure and fun.

I was a little nervous only because I haven’t had much exposure besides touching and fingering. Plus I hadn’t shaved down there and a little nervous on seeing a dick in a long time. Performing oral was a nerve racking as I’d never sucked on a dick and was afriad of choking. Then once it was erect with his guidance, then proceeded to put on a condom and then I got on top of him and slowly went to the top, guided in with a thrust and popped the cherry. It did hurt and bled a bit so out came the lube to make it slide and then we went into missionary for a bit until I was done, mostly due to the feeling of it after being popped. I really enjoyed it and wanted to experience it more. Out arrangment continued until he found a new position, moved out of his place and in with a room-mate and from that point, I didn’t think it would continue after that until this year. We only met so far again twice this year and not sure if we meet again as he may move away when the time comes and have his job transfered down there.

I did meet someone else in between that period but it didn’t go all the way due to our schedules but didn’t feel the need to mention to him when he asked that recently. Other than that, no other guy has approached me since and really didn’t have desire to do so.

There are times where I have sexual desires but don’t really know where to turn to in between those empty periods. I don’t really head out to the nightlife as much. Tinder doesn’t appeal to due linking of facebook accounts.

Where do I stand? I am open to future experiences (not settling down anytime soon though) and taking it as it comes. Slowly. I’ve been encouraged to seek out opportunities and we both enjoyed pleasuring each other in a casual setting and know it’s not going any further. Until he moves, he’s welcome to message me Just make sure you know what you are comfortable with and with safety, consent from both parties and being responsible, it should be enjoyable and pleasurable. Plus I still live at home which is why it can be tricky.

There, I’ve said it. There’s my story of a first timer and I shall see you in my next post!

x

Reflection: 10 years vs 5 years to now

Oh how time flies over the time. So today’s post is slightly similar to my earlier posts re: confidence/self assurance, but with more of a reflective take. There’s no set structure so I’m going to be writing as I go. Here it goes:

A decade ago (2006):

Turn back in time. I don’t know where to begin. So much has changed from there until now as I was in my last year of high school. The jersey symbolism of year 12 and we weren’t allowed to write anything on the back. I wasn’t at all body confident throughout my years in high school and have really wanted to look healthier. Having an overactive thyroid didn’t really help, which got removed in 2005. Oh yes, on the topic, the button shirts didn’t help plus the introduction of a ‘summer uniform’ the year I left was hideous!

High school musical was big and for our last day at school we did a performance based on that. Didn’t click or get the hype but now I do enjoy listening (and cringing) time to time again. I went though old photos and noticed how my dress sense was at that time. Long skirts, ponchos,  waist belts (why??), long shirts, layered looks, boob tubes (i still can’t wear those though), ruffles and peasant style tops. I was influenced by every fashionable trend on the market but couldn’t get my body to work with it. Oh i got into the whole cargo look.

Of course, I only had very few friends on high school (only one though haha). Coming into a dominant white all girls school, I didn’t get invited to many parties as the high school years progressed and yes i did do tutoring over the weekends so that took most of my weekends. I’d also mentioned that I didn’t get to go out much during that time. Silly crushes were common just like any teenage girl experiences oh wells. The best party I went to was at an end of year cruise (not high school but at my tutoring place) and I really enjoyed it more in year 12 than in year 11. I did get my first alcoholic drink away from my parents. Pussycat Dolls were big and I was getting into Ministry Of Sound, Wild albums (yes i still do have the CDs!). All I had were girl-friends as my social group.

The reason why I was sent to this school was my mum’s interest and difficulties growing up, and probably wasn’t worth it. There’s supposedly my high school reunion but considering I’ve de-cluttered most of my high school life expect for 2-3, it doesn’t bother me. Life goes on. Deep inside I had potential but didn’t know whereto find it. I didn’t go to my year 12 formal haha.

5 Years ago (2011):

The last year of university life. I’ve reached a plateau with my studies and just wanted to get it over and done. 3 times  of changing study plans and decided that a scientific degree wasn’t for me Also, learning a language in the first two years upon commencing a double degree was cool back then but decided to not continue with it. I’ve met different sorts of people back in the first 2 years of uni and the guy friends that I’ve made in first year are now part of my friendship group. From international students  living in dorms to fresh out of high school, even mature aged students, it was good but over time, didn’t really need them in my life. Of course there was the popular first years who other students would seek help with, and you’ll have those who drag on way beyond the lecture finished time, and those who would talk during the lecture.

I started working casual admin jobs throughout my degree over the semester breaks and would spend most of it (don’t recommend it though). My social life was sort -of a-ok as I still felt restricted with my parents picking me up. Most were food outings, not much bar hopping though. Sure I got invited out but not as frequently as I liked. I knew I couldn’t get into the whole partying scene as the people who I met during that time wasn’t really suited to my liking or I wanted to party but couldn’t get the guts to. My first dating experience = not as expected as it was more of a casual fling thing. I went on another one off date but decided we were better off friends (don’t even get me started). Naive me then.

The whole printed t-shirts, jeans, float dresses and leggings to mini skirts and throughout my uni years, I went through the whole supre basics phase and collecting every single colour that I found. There were even 2.50 sales at supre and I would go crazy over their sales which turned out to be rubbish clothes. I started getting into dresses again and happy to buy off the rack. My style was going through phases and I bought this cute bowtie skater dress (my thing for dresses back then) but had to donate as it no longer fit me.

Group fitness kicked off my passion outside of school and would get so pumped every time I would go. Being a student and having so much free time, most of my days off were spent there. I still lost a bit of weight but my nutrition was poor and still wasn’t happy with my self. Still in my shell then and not knowing what to do with life after uni. Then I decided to take a family trip which was nice as I haven’t been away in so long. That’s where I’ve put the most weight back on and it was back to where i began…

Glee to Benjamin Button were my absolute favorites back then.

Now (2016):

I must say that looking back over the 5 years until now. I’ve been through different phases and experiencing things for the first time. I reached a certain stage in life where I just wanted to grow even more. From since I’ve left uni and started working full-time it was a huge shift to fitting in workouts, to even changing the style of training after work and getting used to the everyday 9-5. It’s tricky at first as you’re tired from getting used to the travel and waking up early to start work but after a while, I got used to it.

My first uni debt was paid off during that time and it was a huge achievement for me personally. It’s not cheap paying it off gradually (btw i still live at home).  I’ve changed jobs between the past 4-5 years to work closer to home and where I am atm, trying to hold out for another year. I’m currently seeking out jobs but nothing really suits me atm.

Commencing my masters part time this year was in my opinion the best option as it breaks up the monotony of the daily grind. I’m carefully considering transitioning out of where I am atm into something that I really want to be in and not stuck in admin job for the rest of my working life. Yes it’s flexible and all that but I feel that I’m not using my key strengths to my advantage or get much exposure to things outside my department. I’m slowly working on my weaker areas atm but deep inside it sorta no longer excites me. Rant done.

On the upside, I’ve expanded on my social group by joining one of the gym’s social groups and branching out. I felt that over time by hanging out with the same people, I really needed to grow socially and see things from a different view.  Having that expansion really helps with my confidence and self esteem. I do enjoy my wines and beers when I go out now and socially drinking. I also am currently experiencing my secret meet up and so far enjoying it a couple of time a month.

Again, I went though my change in dress sense where at the beginning of my working life, I experimented with bold bottoms and contrast coloured tops, pretty blouses to figure hugging skirts. Everything had to be bold in colour back then with floaty skirts. I’ve slowly transitioned into darker coloured hues in recent times though. Flats were the norm and slowly transitioned into low heels. As in recent times, I’ve now developed a liking for figure hugging things from jeggings /leggings and tight skirts. My  dresses now are mostly body-con. I also like wearing the sporty chic style from sporty style track pants or leggings paired with a t-shirt with boots or casual flats and wearing a cap to keep my hair cow licks at bay. I even own a pair of leather leggings, something which I wouldn’t buy 5 years ago, plus heeled boots as well are my recent shoe addition.

Taking charge of preparing my own lunches, assisting with cleaning up and am looking forward to the change with taking care of the house when my parents go away at the end of September. My sister’s on exchange for 6 months during that time and so it will be me and my brother! I may potentially have the house to my-self if my brother has to travel interstate during that time :).

I feel so much more alive now that I’m living life that i want to live. Unfortunately I still live at home so still haven’t got to experience the things i want to but that period can give me that chance to when i feel like it.

Anyways that my life in a nutshell and looking back at those years, I’ve come a long way.

Transformation story

It’s finally the weekend, yay!

I mentioned in a couple of posts back that I’ll do a weight loss/transformation kind of story.

The reason I decided to do this story was because this topic was raised in the ‘confidence/self assurance’ section. Throughout my schooling life, I struggled with my weight and eating habits. During that time, I was diagnosed with Grave’s disease which didn’t respond to treatment which lead to the removal of the thyroid. Now I have to take medications for the rest of my life. I used my overactive thyroid to eat whatever I wanted, such as extra portions. When high school ended, I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin and unhappy with my weight. I desired being slimmer and toned  and even to wear nice clothing like shorts and skirts.

The tipping point was when first university ended and I was at 71kg. The most heaviest that I’ve been. A local gym opened up near my home and I’ve been a member with them since then (and upgraded to visit other gyms). I started out with a PT but then progressed to training on my own. However, I needed motivation and so I tried out the les mills classes and went through a phase of being a les mills fanatic. This lasted around 4-5 years.

I went on a family holiday at the end of 2011 however put most of the weight back on:

380417_147409578705698_1939863772_n (2)

In 2012 I resumed the above but also adding to the start of full time work and Les mills training, I experienced two colds within a 3 month span. The start of 2013 marked a huge change in eating habits. I began eating carbs most meals and adding in protein and vegetables, while still maintaining a flexible eating approach. Before this, I’d cut carbs at nights and honestly, that didn’t work for me.

Doing every single class worked however over time, I wanted to learn more exercises, experienced, sick twice a year and experienced muscle tightness mainly in the neck and shoulders. This was all due to the repetitive nature of Les Mills which focused on high rep based exercises and not balancing other muscle groups. Plus I wasn’t feeling challenged anymore. The classes were also cardio based and I wasn’t achieving the muscles I wanted. I dropped a lot of weight from 2012 to 2013 going from 68kg to 56kg. Looking at the photo, I realised how thin I’d become:

007 (3)

Then I discovered ‘The Zone’ fitness first, a world first in Dynamic Movement Training from weights, hiit, suspension training and body weight training. It’s changed a lot now since it opened in August 2013. I dropped all the Les Mills and went for those classes and must I say, had it not been for that gym, my body wouldn’t be the same now. From that gym, I’ve developed friendships and been to whatever social events they’ve organised. My body shape was in the best shape ever, so yes it was working.

The Zone still works, but on the other hand, I wanted to improve on skills and reintroduce my own training.My focus shifted to building strength and muscle. In recent times, I’ve introduced Freeletics since September 2015 into my routine and it has been the most challenging program to this date. A hell of body weight training (and recently interval runs) and the time it takes is less than a gym session is what also attracted me to this program. The combination of both these training styles have re-shaped my body more than ever:

So now I feel stronger, fitter, more muscle, flexible, better posture and learned new skills (can even do a chin up now).  I will continue this journey and make adjustments to training as needed.

That’s my story and maybe inspire / motivate those who want to start on their fit journey.

x

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑